How to Pick Up Chicks
by BrownEyedGirl93
Summary: Beck finally agrees to take André and Robbie to the new teen club and teach them how to pick up chicks. What happens when he meets a girl who's not affected by his charms? Humorous Beck-meeting-Jade two-shot!
1. Playing the Field

**A/N: This two-shot takes place the weekend before high school starts. Beck is friends with André and Robbie, but they haven't met Jade and Cat yet. And André wasn't as smooth with girls back then, and Robbie hadn't discovered his love for ventriloquism.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious or any of the TV shows the characters will mention in this story.  
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**Friday, 9:31 p.m.**

Hollywood HotSpot Lounge

…

Beck couldn't believe he was actually doing this.

After weeks of André and Robbie's begging, he had finally agreed to take them to LA's new teen club and teach them how to "pick up chicks" as they so eloquently put it. And now the flashing lights and pulsing music were making his head throb.

He supposed it was understandable that André and Robbie wanted t brush up their skills with the ladies before high school started. Especially since it started next week, and the three of them had gotten into Hollywood Arts, a top-notch performing arts school. The girls who got in there were probably future pop stars, actresses, and models. His friends didn't stand a chance.

The thing was, he didn't _know_ how to pick up chicks. They just came to him. He'd never had to use a lame pickup line in his life.

"Okay, man, we're ready." André swirled around on his bar stool and faced Beck. "Show us how you do it."

"Yeah, what's your secret?" Robbie looked over at them, sipping his virgin strawberry-blast piñacolada.

"Well, first of all, lose the girly drink." Beck said. "Now just watch me." He shifted on his barstool and leaned back against the counter.

"First you act aloof. Don't pay attention to any of them. Just wait for them to come to you." Beck put his hands behind his head in a stretch and smiled. "I find that this technique really works 'cause you're showing them you're not desperate and you're not smothering them."

Two model-gorgeous girls noticed Beck stretching and waved at him, giggling.

"See?" Beck said proudly.

"Are you kidding me? _That's_ your big move? Acting like you don't give a crap? Yeah, newsflash, that only works for guys who look like _you_." André rolled his eyes. "The rest of us actually have to work at it. Damn, I shoulda known better than to ask this guy how to pick up chicks!"

"Hey, I'm just telling you what works for me." Beck gave them an annoyed scoff and took a sip of his Coke. He knew it wasn't fair that he could get girls so effortlessly and his friends couldn't, when they were the ones who really wanted some. But they didn't have to be so bratty about it!

"Don't worry, we can do this." Robbie tried to sound encouraging. "We just gotta remember how the guys on TV do it. Now let's see, what have we learned from TV sitcoms…" Robbie trailed off, trying to remember.

"Way ahead of you, bro." André put on his brown fun hat that had a raccoon tail on the back. "I got the 'peacocking' thing from _The Big Bang Theory_ down. Now I'm gonna try out some pickup lines I learned from _Parks and Rec_."

"Well, good luck with that." Beck said as a tall brunette walked toward André.

"Hey girl, are you a raccoon? 'Cause you've been running around my hat all day—head all day…" He quickly corrected himself as she rolled her eyes and walked past.

He tried a few more lines, including "Yes, I am a hunter…and it's _you_ season! Wanna see a movie sometime?", "Dang girl, your hotness killed my raccoon!", and "Come on, I'm wearing a raccoon hat! I'm an interesting person!"

Beck fought the urge to laugh as the girls walked past without a second glance, one after the other. "You know you're doing this all wrong…why would you copy pickup lines from the guy on the show who _can't_ get girls?"

"Ah, you're right. Here, you can have this." André plunked the raccoon hat down on Beck's head.

A girl waved at Beck from the other side of the counter and smiled. "Hey stranger, love the hat!"

"You've gotta be kidding me." André muttered. Beck quickly took the hat off so he wouldn't attract any more attention.

"Okay, I have a much better tactic. I got this one from _Drake & Josh_." Robbie said proudly.

"Oh no…" Beck groaned.

"No, it actually worked for Josh. See, first, you give the girl a compliment. Then you walk away. That'll intrigue them and make _them_ come after _you_." Robbie explained. "Watch this." He sauntered up to the tall brunette André had been trying to score with. "Hey, I love your purse!"

"Thanks! You know, gay guys _always_ compliment me on this. I got it on sale at Parisian if you want one!" She hooked a piece of hair behind her ear and smiled.

"No, I mean, I'm not—" Robbie tried to explain, but she had already turned back to her friends. "Ugh." He returned to Beck and André and slumped on his stool.

"Maybe you should try that again…and this time, compliment her on something a _guy_ would notice." André offered.

"Okay, sure." Robbie walked up to a blonde in a flashy emerald green halter top. "Hey, I really like your top." He grinned.

"Oh, _do you?_" She crossed her arms across her chest.

"No! I mean, I'm not just saying that 'cause it's showing your, uh, cleavage…" He floundered as she arched a sculpted eyebrow. "And uh, not that it's bad, either…you have really nice—"

But it was no use. She had thrown the rest of her drink in his face before he could say another word.

"Ugh, I should've known it wouldn't be that easy." Robbie moped as he came back to their corner. "Thanks a lot, Dan Schneider."

"Dude, why don't you try some of Drake's lines? They probably work a lot better than Josh's." Beck suggested.

"Kay, I'll try." Robbie dried his glasses and got up again, this time going for an extremely gorgeous girl by the jukebox. "'Scuse me, I couldn't help noticing…you are way too pretty to not know me."

The girl, along with all her friends, doubled over laughing.

"Yep, I'm a funny guy…" Robbie said uncomfortably. "Wanna dance?"

This made the girl laugh even harder.

"Guess not…" Robbie sighed, about to return to his friends when he saw a pretty girl with wavy chestnut-brown hair deciding on a drink at the counter.

"'Scuse me, I couldn't help noticing…your eyes are like two big beautiful pools of blue." He said smoothly.

"Thanks." She said flatly, and Robbie breathed a sigh of relief. That was the best reaction he'd gotten so far!

"Well, see ya later." He went back to André and Beck, waiting for her to chase after him .

Five minutes later, she still hadn't moved. "Dang it! Why did I try that again? I knew that wouldn't work!"

"Well, at least you didn't realize she had brown eyes and then say her eyes were like two big, beautiful pools of mud!" André laughed. "Oh, classic Josh."

"Okay, next time, I'm gonna give her a compliment, then ask her to dance." Robbie looked around. "I think I'll try it on that freaky chick." He motioned to a pretty girl dressed in black with sullen expression.

"No, man, don't go there. She looks intimidating for a reason…she's a total witch. I already tried using a neg on her and she slapped me."

"A neg?" Robbie asked.

"Negative compliment. I got that from _The Big Bang Theory_. It throws a pretty girl off her game. I told her "Normally, I don't go for the dark, depressing girls, but you're the hottest one I've ever seen!"

"Yeah, who wouldn't fall for that?" Beck rolled his eyes.

Robbie bit his lip. "Oh…well that's okay, then I'll just go for her cute red-haired friend. She looks like a pretty little mermaid!"

"Yeah, don't use that as your compliment." André said.

"Got it…uh, could you guys come with me and make sure they don't try to throw something at me?" Robbie asked.

"Sure, why not?" Beck muttered, and him and André followed Robbie and sat down near the girls.

"Hey, those boots look really awesome." Robbie said to the redhead.

She looked like she was about to say thanks, but the freaky girl interrupted her. "_Why_ would you tell her you like her boots? She didn't make them, or design them! I hate it when clueless guys like you give compliments like that, because they mean absolutely nothing to women. If you really wanna complement her boots, tell her you love the way those boots look on _her_. God, guys are so stupid!" She rolled her eyes and shot a look at the redhead.

Wow. Now a _stranger_ was telling him how to pick up chicks. A stranger who was a _girl_. Robbie had reached a new level of pathetic.

"Uh, sorry…" He trailed off lamely. "Wanna dance?"

"Kay kay! I'm Cat!" She said excitedly, oblivious to her scary friend's obvious why-the-hell-would-you-say-yes-to-him look.

"Um, great! Well, let's go!" Robbie took her hand and they headed out to the dance floor.

"Great. I can't believe _Robbie_ got a girl before I did." André complained.

"Ugh, let me help you." Beck said, sick of his friend's whining. He looked around and spotted a pretty Indian girl at the counter two seats away from them. "Come on."

Beck tapped the girl on the shoulder and motioned to André. "Hey, haaave you met André?" He asked cheekily.

"Oh my God, you got that from _How I Met Your Mother_! I love that show!" She clapped excitedly. "Hey André, I'm Pooja!" She smiled.

André looked at Beck like he'd just saved his life.

"Well, there you go." Beck smiled. "And hey…just 'cause I used a Barney Stinson pickup line doesn't mean you should try any more of them. Trust me, girls aren't gonna believe you if you tell them you have Enormous Penis Syndrome." Beck warned André, causing him and Pooja to laugh.

"Well, you kids have fun!" He left them and went back to his stool, and noticed the goth-ish girl was still there.

_Great_. Now both his friends had met girls, and he was stuck with the freaky chick.

…

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**A/N: So…what'd you guys think? I haven't written the second chapter yet, but I'll start working on it if a lot of you guys are into this! So review! **

**And if you liked this, be sure to check out my other story of how they met, When Beck Met Jade. And of course, my new Bade story, The Celebrity List! :)**


	2. Meeting the Girl

**A/N: Here's chapter two of the two-shot! Enjoy!**

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Friday, 10:23 p.m.

Hollywood HotSpot Lounge

…

Now Beck was bored. The club was starting another dance song, and Robbie and André were both dancing with the girls they'd met. Maybe he should go try to pick up a girl…nah, why waste the energy? They'd come to him soon.

Sure enough, a giggly brunette had come up to him moments later after a nudge from her friend. "Hey! Wanna dance?"

"Uh, no thanks…I'm not really up for it right now." Beck replied. He'd considered it…but what was the point? He wasn't looking for a girlfriend right now anyways…he wanted to wait a while after school started so he'd know all the girls that went to Hollywood Arts, and from there, he could pick from his best options.

"What, are your legs tired from running through my mind all night?" She asked cheekily, making Beck chuckle. "I'm just kidding…sorry, that was beyond lame." She said quickly. "Well uh, see ya later I guess." She left after Beck offered no response.

Beck sighed. He hadn't meant to embarrass the poor girl…maybe he should've just danced with her.

"She seemed nice!" The freaky girl next to him chuckled.

_Crap_. He'd forgotten she was there.

"Yeah…" He trailed off, not wanting to get into his reasons for not going after her with a stranger.

"And hot…seriously, what are you, gay?"

"Do I _look_ gay to you?"

"Well, no straight guy I know wears scarves…or shoes that are that expensive." She glanced down at his limited-edition Chuck Taylors.

"I'm straight but not narrow." He informed her with a haughty undertone.

"Congratulations." She rolled her eyes.

Well, this was something else. Beck couldn't remember a time when a girl had been anything less than super-friendly with him. But maybe she didn't like guys…

"And yourself?" He asked.

"Same…except I'm not a douche about it." She smirked.

"Right. So uh, where are you going to school?" He asked. He hoped it was Hollywood Arts…then they'd have something to talk about. Maybe he'd like talking to her—she didn't seem like she wanted to get with him (which Beck found utterly puzzling), but maybe they could be friends.

"Really? You think just 'cause our friends hit it off, we're supposed to sit here like a bunch of losers and make polite chit chat? I'm perfectly happy sitting here quietly, thanks." She huffed.

_Okay, now she was just playing hard-to-get._ She totally wanted him. Fine. He'd play her little game.

"Even if I told you I think you're way too pretty to not know me?" Beck couldn't believe how stupid he sounded. He'd never had to use a pickup line in his life.

Freaky girl's eyes flickered for a second, then she looked down at her drink. "You're lucky this is empty, or I would've thrown it at you." She got up from her seat. "Anyway, when Cat finishes dancing with your dweeby friend, tell her I went to spray paint something on the outside walls. This is _not_ my scene." And with that, she was gone.

Beck watched her go for a moment, then realized he should've said something like "mine either" and followed her out. This was a new concept for him; he'd never had to chase a girl before. But now he really wanted to hang out with her. And he kinda liked the idea of a challenge.

Too bad he'd never see her again.

…

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**A/N: Except they do see each other again…at Hollywood Arts! I thought it'd be cool if they met like this. :) **

**Anyway, REVIEW! :)**


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